So depending on the day my opinion of breastfeeding changes. Ya, everyone says it is healthier and better for the baby...but is it really that much better?! There are plenty of perfectly smart and healthy formula babies that it doesn't bother me at all to feed Lachlan formula. I really struggled at the beginning and it was so frustrating, but I just kept trying to stick with it. Eventually I just gave up with feeding Lachlan on the boob and just exclusively pump now. I pump 20+ ounces each day and then just supplement with formula for the remainder. Our Parents as Teachers contact said she had heard that as long as they got at least 12 ounces of breastmilk each day, then they are getting the full benefits of it. This may seem bad, but rather than the health benefits of breastmilk, I mainly stuck with it because of the cost-- first, formula is so freaking expensive and second, I had already sunk so much money into breastfeeding items that it would be killer to stop after a few weeks! I really don't know how much longer I'll stick with it and don't have any goal in mind. Anyways, a friend had posted an excerpt from Tina Fey's book Bossypants where she talks about breastfeeding and this had me laughing out loud at times....can totally relate! Enjoy.....
"Invented in the mid-19th century as a last-ditch option for orphans and
underweight babies, packaged infant formula has since been perfected to be a
complete and reliable source of stress and shame for mothers. Anyone who reads a
pregnancy book knows that breast milk provides nutrition, immunities and
invaluable bonding time. The breast is best.
When I was pregnant for the
first time I asked my mother for advice. “Don’t even try it,” she said. This is
a generational difference. This is the same woman who told me to request
“twilight sleep” during delivery. (Twilight sleep is the memory-erasing pain
medication that doctors gave women in the 1950s whenever they had to take a baby
out or put a body snatcher in.)
As a member of Generation X, I was more
informed, more empowered, and I knew that when it came to breast-feeding I had
an obligation to my baby to pretend to try.
There are a lot of different
opinions as to how long one should breastfeed. The World Health Organisation
says six months. The American Association of Paediatrics says one year is ideal.
Mothering magazine suggests you nurse the child until just before his wedding
rehearsal. I say you must find what works for you. For my little angel and me
the magic number was about 72 hours.
We tried the football hold, the
cross-cradle hold, and one I like to call the Bret Michaels, where you kind of
lie over the baby and stick your breast in its mouth to wake it up. We didn’t
succeed, so that first night the nurses gave my little one some formula without
asking. I tried to be appalled, but I was pretty tired. Once we got home, we
tried again. I abandoned all vanity, as one must, and parked it shirtless on the
couch. Here we experienced another generational difference.
Gen X wanted
to succeed at this so she could tell people she did it, and little Gen Z wanted
me to hand over that goddamn formula, and she was willing to scream until she
got it.
One of my 500 nicknames for my daughter is Midge, which is short
for Midget, because she was a very small baby. She was born a week early and a
little underweight at 5lb 7oz. My obstetrician suggested the next day at her
bedside visit that perhaps I hadn’t rested enough during my pregnancy and that
was why she was so small. “What a ----,” I thought to myself in what was either
a flash of postpartum hormones or an accurate assessment of my doctor’s
personality.
So we started supplementing Midge regularly with formula.
She was small and I didn’t want her to get any smaller while I mastered the
ancient art of breastfeeding to prove how incredible and impressive I am. Of
course, I still provided her with breast milk. You must, must, must provide them
with breast milk. You owe it to your baby to get them that breast milk. Here’s
how it works.
If you choose to not love your baby enough to breastfeed,
you can pump your milk using a breast pump. I chose to pump every two hours
while watching episodes of the HBO series Entourage. Over the whir of the
milking machine, I could almost hear my baby being lovingly cared for in the
other room while Turtle yelled across an SUV, “Yo E, you ever ---- a girl while
she has her period?” I was able to do this for almost seven weeks before running
out of Entourage episodes and sinking into a deep depression.
Shortly
thereafter, we made the switch to an all-formula diet. If you’ve ever opened a
can of infant formula mix, then you know it smells like someone soaked old
vitamins in a bucket of wet leaves, then dried them in a hot car.
Also,
formula is like $40 a can. They keep it locked up behind the counter with the
batteries and meth ingredients. That’s how bad people want this
stuff!
However, the baby was thriving. I was no longer feeling trapped,
spending 30 out of every 90 minutes attached to a Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicer.
But I still had an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. I had failed at
something that was supposed to be natural.
I was defensive and grouchy
whenever the topic came up. At a party with a friend who was successfully
nursing her little boy, I watched her husband produce a bottle of pumped breast
milk that was the size of a Big Gulp. It was more milk than I had produced in my
whole seven weeks – I blame Entourage. As my friend’s husband fed the baby, he
said offhandedly, “This stuff is liquid gold. You know it actually makes them
smarter?” “Let’s set a date!” I screamed. “IQ test. Five years from today. My
formula baby will crush your baby!” Thankfully, my mouth was so full of cake
they could not understand me."
